QUOTABLE BEER QUOTES If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, it makes the beer shoot out of your nose - Jack Handy It's better to have a beer in hand than gas in the tank. Beer - It's just not for breakfast anymore. Beer - Natures Laxative. One more and I'll be under the host - Dorothy Parker Without question the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but a wheel does not go as well with pizza. - Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. * Humphrey Bogart Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. * David Moulton A drink a day, keeps the shrink away. - Edward Abbey People who drink "light" beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. - Capital Brewery WI Put it back in the horse!! - H. Allen Smith after his first American beer. On the seventh day He brewed beer. - Bill Bradshaw Reality is the illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. I never drink a nything stronger than gin before breakfast. A woman drove me to drink and I did n't have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder. The problem with jails is they have wrong type of bars in there.